This past week we got some good news, but it was mingled in with a lot of not so great news. It has made me really stop and think about our life as a family. We have two beautiful children, who are healthy and happy. We have a wonderful marriage that is full of laughter and happiness. We are blessed.
But, we do have our trials. We have financial trials like any and every family has at some point. At least I hope every family has them at some point. I like to think we're not the only ones. :)
We have been thinking about what the future holds for our family. We have been thinking about having another baby (I've been craving one), but at the same time, we've been looking at finances and career opportunities for each of us. Expanding our family is a big deal.
Most people know that my delivery with our son, Christopher, was less than ideal. It was a scary ordeal mixed with lots of miscommunication and uneasy feelings. We knew that if we chose to have another baby it would be quite a process. And, so a couple of months ago, I started going to a new OBGYN to get things in order and to find out what having another baby would mean to my body, that baby, and my sweet children and husband. The thought of leaving Brandon with a new baby, plus our other 2 kids, is a terrifying thought and feeling.
But, there's a song that I've been listening to on repeat. It's called "Blessings", and it's by Christian artist Laura Story. The chorus is amazing. It brings me such amazing comfort as we go through all that we are, and as we think about what our future might hold for our family. It says, "What if your blessings come through raindrops? What if your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights is what it takes to know You're near? What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?"
What if? What if all this pain is for such a greater blessing? That is what I'm focused on for now. The "what's to come". That's all I can focus on. If I focus on the present, it's scary. It's sad. It's no fun. So, for now, the future is where I look to. Is there another Baby Buchei in it? Who knows?! Not us! That's for sure. This is something we process on a daily basis. It's going to take "a thousand sleepless nights" for us to get our answer. This isn't a decision that we can make lightly because it is so life-threatening. But, we know that our Father in Heaven knows all. He knows the desires of our hearts. He knows what is best for us. And, we know that he will help us see, in time, what He has seen all along.
I'll leave you with another line from the song.
"What is my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life, is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can satisfy? What if trials of this life-the rain, the storms, the hardest nights... Are Your mercies in disguise?"
