Motherhood: A Blessing

This past Monday Brandon and I saw Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Well...that pretty much describes yesterday. I ended the day feeling terrible. I felt like a failure as a mother. I felt like a failure as a wife. And, DEFINITELY felt like a failure as a housekeeper. Mallorie is almost two, and definitely acts like it. It is a constant battle trying to get her to do anything. She is very stubborn, and when she says no, she means it! Trying to deal with that, and understand that yes, she may be a toddler, but she's still a baby, has been quite the challenge. She is still a baby. She can't communicate fully, her body is still growing, and she's still dependent upon us for almost everything. My toddler is a baby.

My newborn is also a baby. He has the sweetest temperament, but he's a newborn. Newborns come with their own set of demands. Feedings and diapering are taking their toll on me. He is a great sleeper, but still. Night time isn't what it used to be.
As I woke up at 3:45 a.m. today to feed my sweet Christopher, my mind automatically started thinking of everything that had gone wrong yesterday. And, then my mind shut down and wanted more sleep. I decided to hop on Facebook to give my mind something to focus on while I nursed. The first post was heartbreaking. A friend of mine had given birth and her baby had passed away. It was the swift kick in the butt that I was needing. It put everything into perspective for me, and I was immediately humbled as I sat there and cried for my friend.

I thought to myself "how dare you whine about your silly day, when this is happening to someone you care about". It was such a wake up call that I couldn't sleep for a while. As I cried, I began thinking about motherhood, and all the types of mothers that are out there. There are mothers who are mothers because they birth a child. There are mothers who are mothers because they chose to love a child who needed a home. And then there are mothers who never get to be mothers on this earth. I am a mother who has children on this earth, and one already waiting for me on the other side.
In the case of my friend, this was her 5th child. She found out early on in her pregnancy that this baby most likely would be stillborn, and if it did live, it would be short. Her doctor told her that termination was definitely an option on the table for her. My friend swiftly declined. She wanted this baby no matter how short their time would be together. She carried her baby to term, knowing the whole time that she wouldn't get to bring that sweet child home with her. And, yet, she did it. She is a mother.
Our bodies are designed to do these incredible things. We can bring children in to the world. And, our hearts!!! Our hearts are so expandable! They let so many little children in. Whether you're a Duggar and have 19 hands wrapped around your heart, or you're me. A Buchei with only two hands currently on my heart.

We are divine. We are created by a God who knows what our bodies and hearts are capable of. Our bodies go through 9 months of stretching, peeing, heartburn and ultimately CHILDBIRTH!!! Whether you push that baby through a tiny hole, or have major surgery. Your body is built to withstand it. And, for those women whose bodies can't do those things, God made your hearts EXTRA special! Your hearts go through much more than the average person. Learning about infertility is a loss all by itself. And, your heart breaks. And then you apply for adoption, and your heart heals a little. A family picks you! Heals a little more. And then....they change their mind. They want to keep their baby. Your heart breaks all over again. It's like learning about your infertility all over again. But, then one day, another family picks you and your sweetheart to be the parents of their tiny baby. This time, you are more careful with your heart. You don't plan. Maybe you don't even tell people this time around. But, you make it to the hospital with that sweet mommy about to deliver her most precious gift. And then she hands you that beautiful baby, and your heart heals. All the pain was worth it for that moment. You are holding that baby and it is yours.
Motherhood is divine. Sometimes things cloud that in my mind. Being peed on doesn't seem so divine. Being hit and yelled "NO" at definitely doesn't seem divine. But, I am divine. I am a mother. These two precious lives that Brandon and I get to live with and interact with on a daily basis, are mine. They made me a mother. They heal my heart daily. They break my heart daily. But, they are mine. And I am theirs.
So to my friend. If you ever read this. You are divine. You gave that sweet baby a body and a life. Your sweet child was too perfect for this world, but you will see that baby again. You will hold them, and love them. They will smile at you and tell you how much they've missed you since they had to leave you. But, they are yours. Forever. You are a mother. Nothing can change that. No amount of time and no distance.
We are all mothers. And we are all divine.